.. the Struggles within

When the journey started, I was the most of the skeptics for tomorrow was what I feared the most. I had to let go a job at hand and plunge into an internship in student discipleship, yes, ministry. All this time, the parents and folks knew I was working with some firm only to realize I left the opportunity months before.

The struggle went on into the second month, a struggle on what I really wanted to do with this one life before the giver takes it away at His rightful time. My housemate would sit and haves their quite time as I sat listening to “gospel” music in the comfort of an antique crafted seat wondering why he had to be so disciplined on this very routine. A question would wander through my mind on this very act for I only took hold of the Bible when in dire need, when a struggle braves itself against me. My faith was that that a whirlwind of calamity would sweep away with a flash, prayer at that moment was want, not a need. Parental pressure on taking up a “common” career was endless with my allegiance to them tempting my thirst for finances to get out there.

Somehow, I fell into the temptation to have that other hustle that would assure my pocket of additional bucks to increase my figures in the savings account taking me nearer that plot purchase. An opportunity arose to do a series of events for some institution at a cost, one I gladly took up with full knowledge of how this very endeavour would come between me and the internship at hand that served a priceless opportunity to grow in Christ, I chose to shake this awareness dust off my chest.

I surely delivered at the events assignment. Again, I used it as an avenue to run away from the other struggles on whether or not to honour the parents or keep on with the journey of being more informed on the price of being a witness.

But, I felt a burden in my heart amidst all these prowess in events and all the glamour that came with the engagement. At these events, I would stomach the scenes where guys my age would waste themselves in alcoholism, smoking and sexual immorality for the events were 100% in support of secularism and a platform where the above would not only be propagated but again be facilitated. I had immersed my whole back to where I had been saved from, the world.

The emptiness brought forth served as a wake up call to me for a thought of why Jesus, the Son of our Creator took all my sins and bore them on a rugged cross, a ransom paid. The call to holiness and purity, not by my strength but by the fullness of the Grace of He who is rich in mercy, repeatedly rung in my head and mind. My heart was broken by my own sins, a choice I took against the full glare of unmerited favour as a Son. The approval of men I got, guys were pleased at my involvements in the events and deep inside I felt good having such. Thou, my heart was not at peace, not at all. That was a complete opposite of what a servant of Christ needs heed to each day.

Titus 2:11-15 For the Grace of God has appeared bringing salvation to all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions and to live self-controlled, godly lives in the present age.

But, I am encouraged for a chance is given, that of acknowledging my sins and asking God for forgiveness. My prayer is that I am not led into temptation but delivered from all evils by God and that I may heed to this call to lead be a Christian, to use my gifts to make disciples and remain unashamed of this very Gospel of Christ, the power of God unto salvation... a gift freely given. A lifestyle of prayer and study of the living Word is serving a pivotal role in my growth as a Christian too, I know understand the reasons my housemate would invest much time in this. 

A study on the book of Acts further encourages me with its richness in teachings on ministry and on the conversion of Saul , that no matter how far one runs, a call from God can never be outdone. I have decided to let go and let God, that His will be done in my life, heed to the master's call, pray that the Holy Spirit leads me in my daily endeavors for a day awaits me to give a record of how I lived here on this side of eternity. I seek forgiveness from those hearts I have broken in the course of this journey of learning life in the fullness of the struggles within. Again, thank you for keeping me in your prayers.

To God be the Glory